Here’s what’s stopping you from climaxing and how to deal with it for better sex with your man. By Balvinder Sandhu
Photo: Fabio Formaggio / 123rf.com
While having an orgasm doesn’t always have to be the end-goal when you’re in bed with your man, it certainly does make it more enjoyable. But it could be a cause of stress if you’re finding it hard to hit the spot. Here are seven reasons why you may not be able to climax and what to do about it.
You Need More Foreplay
It’s common knowledge that women need more time than men to get aroused, so it’s no surprise that your man will probably get to the finish line much quicker than you. On average, a woman needs around 20 minutes of stimulation to get to the point where she’s in close reach of an orgasm. So tell your man not to rush it and to take his time priming you for the main event. Don’t be shy to ask for this as it will turn him on too.
Your Mind Is Buzzing
From wondering whether your tummy looks too wobbly in this position to thinking about when you should do the laundry, it’s easy to get distracted. It’s not just your body that needs to be turned on, your brain does too, so it can send all the right signals and sensations to your body. Focus on what your man is doing to you and how it makes you feel. If it’s not turning you on, switch positions, touch yourself or tell him what he should do to you instead. Then give it your full concentration and respond accordingly.
You’re Too Focused On Penetration
Forget what you’ve watched in movies or read in books, it’s rare for women to have an orgasm just by penetration alone. So if this is what you and your man have been focusing on, don’t pay too much attention to it anymore. There are more sensitive nerve endings in your clitoris than in your vagina, so that is where you (or your man) should focus. Get him to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse or, to get there easier, get on top of him and adjust your body so that you get some stimulation in your C-spot too, as you move.
You’re Mixing It Up Too Much
Changing positions during sex is exciting but if you’re doing this very quickly, you’re not giving yourself enough time to fully enjoy your session. Your body needs steady stimulation in order to build up a rhythm that will get you to the finish line so spend some time on each position to avoid losing this sexy momentum.
Your Medication Is To Blame
Oral contraceptives reduce your libido so if you’re taking birth control pills, they could be interfering with your sexual pleasure.
Other medications that affect your sex drive include blood pressure medication and anti-depressants. Antihistamines – which are cold and allergy medicines – also lower your ability to self-lubricate, so use lubricant if you’re on these and you’ll find it much easier to have an orgasm.
You Haven’t Explored Enough
Nobody knows better than you what does and doesn’t turn you on, so the best way to help your man get you there is to find out for yourself. Pleasuring yourself more often gives you a better chance of having an orgasm with your partner too. Basically, the more orgasms you have, the higher the chance of having more. Plus, not only will this teach you how to get the right type and amount of stimulation, it also allows you to use your imagination and fantasise. Fantasising is also the perfect way to keep you focused on the task at hand.
You’re Thinking Too Much
This is a simple one – the more you’re worrying about whether you’re going to get there (and when), the lower your chances of it actually happening. So stop stressing about it and just lose yourself in the moment and enjoy it.
This article first appeared in www.herworldplus.com.